Do as I say or I will divorce you

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outcastsuperstar
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Do as I say or I will divorce you

Post by outcastsuperstar » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:32 pm

http://www.ifeminists.com/introduction/ ... 1008a.html

I walk a tightrope every day, just so I can stay a part of my young daughter's life," says Jerry, a 38 year-old engineer from San Diego, California "If I have an argument with my wife, she spreads the divorce papers out on the living room table and begins to fill them out. There's no compromising with her -- I either accept her decisions or she threatens to divorce me. If she does, she'll get custody of my little girl and I doubt she'll even let me see her, much less play an active role in raising her..

outcastsuperstar
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Do as I say or I will divorce you

Post by outcastsuperstar » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:32 pm

Here is a very powerful comment THe Chief made on the Don't Get Married Board

OOOHHH, do I hear this one! Preach it, Jerry!

I hope you old timers will indulge me for a minute, but I'm going to go ahead and reprint the November 11, 2006 post from my own blog. A lot of you have heard this before, please forgive me as I post it again. As I say, I consider it to be the single most important thing I have to say to other men everywhere....

The single most important thing I learned from my marriage (or, if I have a message to give to the world, this is it)

Yep, widowed a little over two and a half years as of this writing. After 14 years of marriage, four years of engagement before that, and two kids. The experience taught me many hard lessons, and the hardest and most important of them is below.

I met my wife our freshman year in college, the long engagement was because we wanted to wait until at least one of us had graduated. This means I met her at 18 and married her at 21 (ENTIRELY too young, I know now, but that's not the main point). My wife had suffered from mild to moderate depression all of her life, though in my young and foolish state of courtship I didn't really recognize the signs or understand what that would mean for our future. In the last year of her life this depression got ratcheted up from "mild to moderate" all the way to "severe," like Spinal Tap turning it all the way up to 11. She also developed a nasty case of alcoholism, to the point where she would find it impossible not to sneak off to the local liquor store, buy the cheapest, biggest bottle of vodka she could find and drink herself into unconsciousness. We tried everything to help her--counseling, drug therapy, ECT (what is more commonly known as "shock therapy"), rehab--nothing worked (my favorite story: She purchased a bottle of vodka on the bus ride home from 17 days in rehab).

Finally things got to the point where she was drinking and passing out while alone with our children , five and seven (with autism) at the time. We were living St. Louis at the time--the kids could have wandered outside the apartment, gotten lost, run over by a car or found the local pedophile to play with. When I determined that she wasn't going to help herself and was presenting too great a threat to the kids, I took them and left. Two days later when I came back for some of our things I found her dead on the couch. Pills and vodka.

Tough, tough times but in a way it was a turning point. And it's not the event that I learned the most from. That happened a couple of years earlier. Remember, she suffered from depression, manic depression, bipolar disorder or whatever we're calling it this week. She was miserable, she was angry at the world, and she needed somebody to focus all her hurt and rage upon. Sooner or later, that person turned out to be me. Very shortly after the birth of our second child (and she always said she wanted two and only two children, I can't help but wonder about the timing of this), our always turbulent marriage began to get worse. She was impossible to please, angry at everything I did and demanded a separation. In fact, she did it twice, in instances about a year apart.

Both times the separations lasted only a week or two as she discovered that taking care of the kids primarily by herself was no picnic. Both times we did couples therapy of a sort. Both times I did everything in my power to convince her that we needed to stay together and make it work for the sake of the kids, especially our autistic boy who would need extra parental care, probably for the rest of his life. Both times, she eventually allowed me to move back into my own home, ultimately on her terms.

Now, here's the most important thing I learned from this. In a marriage where a breakup is imminent and one person really, really wants the divorce and the other person really, really doesn't, the person who wants the divorce gets to have all the power. He or she (and with 70% of divorces filed by women, let's just say "she" from this point forward) gets to call all the shots, make all the demands, set all the conditions. Example: During the second separation my wife insisted I go to therapy alone because "my issues were the real problem." This from a woman who would later be diagnosed with depression, alcoholism and eventually voluntarily assume room temperature. In the counseling sessions we did attend together I sat quietly, listened to her rail and rage almost incoherently and agreed with her interpretation of our problems the few times my opinion was asked. Why? Because she had the veto power. If I wouldn't jump through her every hoop, agree to her every demand, do whatever it took to get her to allow me to move back in, she would just file the divorce papers. It was her way or the highway.

All things being equal this probably would have been fine. During the second breakup, especially, I would have happily let her go her own way. But all things weren't equal. We had kids, and in any divorce there was no doubt in my mind she was going to get custody of them. This was unacceptable to me, in part because she was depressed and not taking the best care of them--our first trial separation occured because of a fight that took place after I came home early from work and found her asleep while our three year old autistic son was wandering around the house in a filthy diaper. But you know what? Even if I had no concerns about the care of my children, even if I thought she was going to be a superstar single mother, I didn't want that. I had these children with the intention of raising them, full time, being part of their lives every day. I didn't want to be an "every other weekend, four weeks during the summer" dad. I didn't want to have to pick them up and drop them off at McDonald's on those rare occasions my wife and the courts would allow me to see them. I didn't want her to move away with them (and she made it clear that if she could get a divorce agreement that would allow it she would be moving out to Colorado with her family), possibly remarry some guy who would raise them in a way I didn't approve. I wanted to be Dad, all the time, the way we agreed it would be when we got married in the first place.

So I did it her way. Agreed to every demand no matter how unreasonable, held my tongue, almost literally grovelled on my knees a time or two. It saved my relationship with the kids and may well have saved their lives. I'm not sorry I did it, but I will never put myself in a situation where I have to do it again.

I now direct you to Matt Week's excellent article "The Marriage Strike". Weeks gives a concise, well written reason why a man is insane to marry these days for financial reasons. I'm providing the personal reasons. If you marry and have children with a woman (at least in most Western countries), you are giving her a disproportionate power over your life. If she decides to divorce you, no matter how much you don't want it, whether you did anything wrong or not, she can do it. No-fault divorce is the law in every state in America and every province in Canada. She can leave and take half of your assets (whether she contributed anything to earning them or not). She'll get the house. You can, however, always make more money and buy a new house. But she also gets the kids. The kids you helped make, the kids you treasure, the kids you wanted to raise to adulthood, being involved in their life every day. She may poison their minds against you, interfere with your visitation, remarry a guy you don't want around them or simply up and move away. You will have nothing to say about it, although I guarantee you'll be sending her your money all the while.

Guys, don't do it. Don't marry and don't have kids. Find a lady you like? Live with her, and be good to her as long as she is to you. But don't give her that legal contract which essentially signs over half of your assets if she just decides she's "unhappy or unfulfilled" one day. And do not have kids with her, ever. I know this may sound tough, but with a 50% divorce rate and 70% of those divorces filed by women there's an excellent chance you won't get to raise them anyway. Volunteer as a Big Brother, spend time with your relative's kids, whatever--but do not have children with a woman and give her an 18 year sword to hold over your head.

Yes, I know that if every man followed my advice the human population would die off. Big fat hairy deal. If a society makes it this hellish and punitive for men to reproduce, that society doesn't deserve to continue living. It is not your problem.

Don't do it guys. Don't give her the power to ruin your life, make you beg. It isn't worth it.

outcastsuperstar
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Do as I say or I will divorce you

Post by outcastsuperstar » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:34 pm

Here is what dickthedog had to say.

"If I have an argument with my wife, she spreads the divorce papers out on the living room table and begins to fill them out."


Women have a mean streak that borders on sociopathy. They can justify any behavior in their twisted minds by employing their feminine pretzel logic. If you've ever been married you know I speak the truth.

If a man were to use the threat of divorce to get his way, it would be roundly denounced as "controlling behavior" and "psychological abuse", but as always, women are beyond reproach.

You may find an AW you think is the sweetest little thing you've ever met. She may assure you that she would never consider divorce, that such a thing is abhorent to her. She may seem very convicing and sincere, and for the 30 seconds it takes to utter these reassurances she IS sincere.

DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT. As soon as the ring is on the finger, she knows she has you by the balls, and she's well aware of the BFH at her disposal.

If you don't mind slavery and emotional terrorism, by all means, get married.

outcastsuperstar
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Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:33 pm

Do as I say or I will divorce you

Post by outcastsuperstar » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:34 pm

Anonymous said...
"...emotional terrorism."

DAMN, that's an excellent summary of marriage, once you realize she has the whip hand.

Many is the time I was on the wrong side of "I'm MAD, and YOU Have To Guess WHY. Here's a Hint: It's Something You Did, Or Didn't Do. Now, Dance the Approval Dance, and I'll let you know how you are doing."

One morning I woke up, and just felt this tightness in chest that literally felt like a heart attack.

THEN, she came in with her latest bitching and nagging, totally unconcerned that I was literally not moving out of fear that something had gone horribly wrong.

"Honey. I am having trouble breathing. Could you call the doctor, and let me talk to him?"

STONE GODDAMN SILENCE.

And then, THEN, It Hit Me:

She's goddamn HOPING it's a heart attack...

She left the bedroom. I eventually crawled out of bed, drove to the doctor (who saw me immediately).

"JUST a stress attack."

I went back home, and moved my stuff out to a storage locker, right then and there.

She can KEEP the furniture.

I have never looked back, and it is the best thing I have ever done.

(Yes, she called me - a lot - and wrote me heartfelt letters - a lot. )

I paid the balance due on the lease, and that is THAT!

And, let me tell YOU, I am the First Apostle of the Church of Lykis 101.

Thanks to Outcast Superstar for turning me on to the Man who helped me to realize it is NOT my fault.

outcastsuperstar
Legend Bachelor
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Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:33 pm

Do as I say or I will divorce you

Post by outcastsuperstar » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:35 pm

khankrumthebulgar writes

What has happened over the last four decades. Is that all restraints Legally on Women in the US have been removed. Women are held to a different standard than Men. Any crime no matter how heinous can be justified. They are treated like errant children when they commit Evil Acts and crimes. And demand to be treated like Adults when it suits and benefits them. It is complete BS. How can a Woman who sexually abuses a minor Male student not go to jail? And her Justification is, She is too beautiful. This was used as the excuse by Debra LaFave.

Would a Man get the same treatment? Hell no he will get ass raped literally in Prison and be some Thug's Punk. She got house arrest. VAWA has made the situation even worse. As False Accusations and Domestic Violence definitions have been expanded. Raising your Voice, criticism of her friends, telling her not to overspend, meaning telling her to exercise Fiscal restraint. Is now defined as Abuse. Yes you are controlling and abusive.

Phyllis Schlafly has correctly called this the Marriage Destruction Act.
This is not an accident Gents. It is the FemNag plan. Well articulated to divide the genders. And as stupid idiots Women think they can abuse Men indefinitely and well will simply stoically put up with their abuse. Screw the Beotches. Men have options, and we can refuse to buy what they are selling. The Good News we are refusing in greater numbers.

recluse
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Re: Do as I say or I will divorce you

Post by recluse » Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:10 am

"If a man were to use the threat of divorce to get his way, it would be roundly denounced as "controlling behavior" and "psychological abuse", but as always, women are beyond reproach."

It's all abuse when the VAWA funds are flowing.

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