An annoying interruption

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arcangel911
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An annoying interruption

Post by arcangel911 » Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:14 pm

CIO- That was AWESOME!!!!!!!

UH..... btw- how did this creature of the undead and uninformed get your number??????

I have to agree with the brothers above to let your "friend" AKA "Ruth's Mangina Husband" to knock it the hell off.

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Elaraith
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An annoying interruption

Post by Elaraith » Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:24 pm

I was literally laughing out loud with that last one CIO, this is too funny!

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recluse
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An annoying interruption

Post by recluse » Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:51 pm

[quote]I was literally laughing out loud with that last one CIO, this is too funny![/quote]

I agree, it was the best part of my day so far.
I gotta go give him a +1

gammastate
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An annoying interruption

Post by gammastate » Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:55 pm

"What's going on is she's trying to show me how good a Suzy Homemaker she will be. Yeah, right. "

I missed this little gem the first time I read that post. You really see through them CIO!

Looking forward to the next installment of this story.

analyzing
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An annoying interruption

Post by analyzing » Sun Feb 20, 2011 9:28 pm

[quote]At some point you will cross paths on the graph as you are ascending and she's descending, and from then on, you will have all the power. And women know or at least sense this. Some of the formerly attractive one's have a harder time grasping this reality, but I'm always here, ready and willing to bring them crashing down to earth in a heap. ;)[/quote]


Well said.

salinger

An annoying interruption

Post by salinger » Sun Feb 20, 2011 9:59 pm

Great stuff christopher. Your posts always make me chuckle. And yet, it's all so true. Women are simply beside themselves when they stumble upon a happy bachelor who wants nothing to do with them.

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An annoying interruption

Post by hhb » Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:14 pm

Chris,

Both of these women are conspiring against you. But, you already know that.

Max is pathetic woman looking for her next victim. I really feel sorry for the kids.

Women are truly messed up. God help them.

christopheroregon
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An annoying interruption

Post by christopheroregon » Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:27 am

Gents;

Shit oh dear. Just when you think you've got them figured out....

Well, I do, actually. Have them figured out, that is.

Ruth gave me a holler this morning and wanted to know why I was being so mean to Maxine. To be specific, she said "Why are you such an asshole?"

Well. That's rather blunt.

I said "Ruth, it's genetic. Some men are born to be physicians, some are born to be great leaders. I'm an asshole."

"Well," she said, "You've sure as hell been a smashing success."

Me? A smashing success? My mummy would be proud.

I said "Whaddya want from me, Ruth? You drop this woman in my lap without so much as asking me if I want a girlfriend, and then expect me to be nice to her?"

"I thought you were a gentleman, Chris. Is it too much to expect a man to treat a woman like a lady?"

"Why?" I asked. "You yourself told me once that you're a feminist. If you've adopted the new standards and cast aside traditional gender roles, why the heck can't I do the same?"

"That's different." she replied.

"How is it different?" said I.

"Because" (and get the insane logic here) "only women were liberated from their roles. Men weren't."

Ah, there's the rub. It brings to mind the line from Animal Farm about some being more equal than others.....

"Okay, Ruth, so you advocate a double standard. That's just a tad hypocritical."

"No it's not. "

"Yes, it is."

"NO, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, I tell you it isn't."

"Would you care to tell me why you feel that way, Ruth?"

"No, I would not. You're rude."

Dog chasing tail forever and ever and ever........

"Ruth," said I, "I've made no bones about being what I am. That's why you broads all want me."

"All women want you? Seriously?" she snapped.

"Pretty much." I answered. "Look how often YOU call me."

"Oh, so now I want you?"

"Yeah, but you can't have me."

"God, you are such a prick!" she snapped. And very rudely, too.

"Well, yes. I've been called that, too, and by women better looking than YOU."

And then I hung up.

She called again. She screamed "Why did you hang up on me?!"

"Because you are a pain in my butt, Ruth, and I can't afford to buy Preparation H in 55 gallon drums."

Click.

I hung up again.

The phone rings again.

I picked up, belched, and then hung up again.

No more calls.

Peace at last.

Now, as I've said, you young guys need to be patient. The day IS coming when you will be able to fuck with women's empty little heads, and I can assure you it's a lot of fun.

Trust me.

Christopher in Oregon

analyzing
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An annoying interruption

Post by analyzing » Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:38 am

[quote]"Why?" I asked. "You yourself told me once that you're a feminist. If you've adopted the new standards and cast aside traditional gender roles, why the heck can't I do the same?" [/quote]

Lol :D... l like to use this also, it always fires them up. They really can't say shit.



[quote]"Well, yes. I've been called that, too, and by women better looking than YOU."[/quote]

Lol... nice one. It always nice to deflate their ego just a little bit. :D

extraycrom

An annoying interruption

Post by extraycrom » Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:23 am

I like it when you burped in her ear hole! :)

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dsc
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An annoying interruption

Post by dsc » Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:17 am

[quote]"Because you are a pain in my butt, Ruth, and I can't afford to buy Preparation H in 55 gallon drums."[/quote]

Love that line..

patrick23
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An annoying interruption

Post by patrick23 » Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:01 am

CIO, you are one of the funniest people I've ever met. Thanks for the Entertainment and sticking it to "Maxine" HAHAHAHAHA!. Hopefully theres even more where this came from. Good stuff.

christopheroregon
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An annoying interruption

Post by christopheroregon » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:54 am

Fellers;

Lo and behold, the phone rang last night just as I was getting ready for my much needed beauty sleep.

'Twas Ruth, yet again.

"Christopher? Don't hang up on me again, damn it."

"Are you going to play nice, Ruth?"

Pause.

"Yes."

"Well then, what can I do for you, my dear?"

"What's it going to take to get you to go out with Max?"

"I don't particularly want to go out with Max. What's in it for me?"

"What do you mean what's in it for you?"

"That's pretty self-explanatory, Ruth. What do I get?"

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice rising a bit as I think she was fearing the worst.

"Well, you could come along, and well, you know."

A very long pause.

"That's sooo sick. You men all want two women to go down on each other."

"Ruth, you asked me what it would take to go out with Max, and I thought if you two could entertain me while I ate, I don't know, potato chips, it might be worth my time."

"You actually want us to perform for you? Like animals?"

"Well, yeah, Ruth. I'm getting older and it's harder to hold my interest these days what with all of my toys and hobbies and whatnot."

"I'm not a lesbian, Christopher."

"What do I care? I just want you to go down on her."

"I'm not going to do that."

"You might like it. Have you ever done it before?" I said, suspecting something in her past.

"That's not your business, Christopher, and we're not put on this planet to entertain men like you."

"Ah, so you have been with a woman, Ruth."

"I'm not going to go into my past, period."

"Well, that's the asking price, Ruth. You have to make it worth my time, as I have other things to do."

Pause.

"I won't do it." she repeated. "I just won't."

"Okay," said I.

Click.

I hung up.

My gay friends are amazed at my amazing gaydar, which is quite effective when dealing with women. I can spot a carpet muncher, closeted or otherwise, from a mile away. It's a gift.

I'll be home all day today, so I'm rather curious to see what will happen. I do think I struck a serious nerve with Ruth, though. It's always fun to screw with them. Nothing is going to come of my proposal, of course, but it's fun anyway.

Chris

gammastate
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An annoying interruption

Post by gammastate » Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:16 pm

Out of curiosity do you keep a straight face during these phone calls? That last one was hilarious.

salinger

An annoying interruption

Post by salinger » Mon Feb 21, 2011 2:23 pm

[quote]
"Why?" I asked. "You yourself told me once that you're a feminist. If you've adopted the new standards and cast aside traditional gender roles, why the heck can't I do the same?"

"That's different." she replied.

"How is it different?" said I.



Ah, there's the rub. It brings to mind the line from Animal Farm about some being more equal than others.....

"Okay, Ruth, so you advocate a double standard. That's just a tad hypocritical."

"No it's not. "

[/quote]

Ruth does the legwork for us, fellas. Thanks Ruth!

extraycrom

An annoying interruption

Post by extraycrom » Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:39 pm

[quote]Fellers;

Lo and behold, the phone rang last night just as I was getting ready for my much needed beauty sleep.

'Twas Ruth, yet again.

"Christopher? Don't hang up on me again, damn it."

"Are you going to play nice, Ruth?"

Pause.

"Yes."

"Well then, what can I do for you, my dear?"

"What's it going to take to get you to go out with Max?"

"I don't particularly want to go out with Max. What's in it for me?"

"What do you mean what's in it for you?"

"That's pretty self-explanatory, Ruth. What do I get?"

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice rising a bit as I think she was fearing the worst.

"Well, you could come along, and well, you know."

A very long pause.

"That's sooo sick. You men all want two women to go down on each other."

"Ruth, you asked me what it would take to go out with Max, and I thought if you two could entertain me while I ate, I don't know, potato chips, it might be worth my time."

"You actually want us to perform for you? Like animals?"

"Well, yeah, Ruth. I'm getting older and it's harder to hold my interest these days what with all of my toys and hobbies and whatnot."

"I'm not a lesbian, Christopher."

"What do I care? I just want you to go down on her."

"I'm not going to do that."

"You might like it. Have you ever done it before?" I said, suspecting something in her past.

"That's not your business, Christopher, and we're not put on this planet to entertain men like you."

"Ah, so you have been with a woman, Ruth."

"I'm not going to go into my past, period."

"Well, that's the asking price, Ruth. You have to make it worth my time, as I have other things to do."

Pause.

"I won't do it." she repeated. "I just won't."

"Okay," said I.

Click.

I hung up.

My gay friends are amazed at my amazing gaydar, which is quite effective when dealing with women. I can spot a carpet muncher, closeted or otherwise, from a mile away. It's a gift.

I'll be home all day today, so I'm rather curious to see what will happen. I do think I struck a serious nerve with Ruth, though. It's always fun to screw with them. Nothing is going to come of my proposal, of course, but it's fun anyway.

Chris




[/quote]

I think Ruth is going to give your request a lot of consideration, she may be willing to do it, but she may not know if Max will go along with it, at least in front of you.

What if she and Max did decide to perform for you? How would you handle it, or what if Ruth and another woman offered to perform for you?

If Ruth and Max decide to do the dirty deed, what do they really want from you? My guess is your soul.

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superbad
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An annoying interruption

Post by superbad » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:24 pm

[quote]"That's sooo sick. You men all want two women to go down on each other."[/quote]
you're WRONG, Ruth: we want two GIRLS to do that. if you and Max are over 35 YO or 110 pounds, i'd prefer you get in a car and pull a Thelma and Louise. :P

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Prodigal Son
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An annoying interruption

Post by Prodigal Son » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:50 pm

Christopher, reading through these postings only reinforces how glad I am to know you! do keep us updated as this is comedy gold :)
PS

christopheroregon
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An annoying interruption

Post by christopheroregon » Mon Feb 21, 2011 6:57 pm

Fellers;

Mind you, I have a code of ethics I go by. I will not under any circumstances touch a woman who is married, period. Adultery is not something I will participate in. Besides, I fear STD's, and I no longer want to have physical relations with any woman. I'm beyond apathetic anymore. I just like to annoy them.

That said, I felt secure that Ruth would never take me up on my offer. She has too much to l lose if her husband found out. Max is a wild card. I don't know her enough to gauge if she would be receptive to the idea or not. I suppose it depends on how desperate she is to get married.

Ruth, though, is another thing entirely. This is a woman who has been with another woman at some point in time.

My goal is not to create a threesome with myself and these two broads. Tooooo dangerous. Quite frankly my goal was to screw with their heads. It gives me loads of entertainment. It's just plain good fun.

I am so going to hell.....

Christopher in Oregon

analyzing
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An annoying interruption

Post by analyzing » Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:44 pm

[quote]Fellers;

Mind you, I have a code of ethics I go by. I will not under any circumstances touch a woman who is married, period. Adultery is not something I will participate in. Besides, I fear STD's, and I no longer want to have physical relations with any woman. I'm beyond apathetic anymore. I just like to annoy them.

That said, I felt secure that Ruth would never take me up on my offer. She has too much to l lose if her husband found out. Max is a wild card. I don't know her enough to gauge if she would be receptive to the idea or not. I suppose it depends on how desperate she is to get married.

Ruth, though, is another thing entirely. This is a woman who has been with another woman at some point in time.

My goal is not to create a threesome with myself and these two broads. Tooooo dangerous. Quite frankly my goal was to screw with their heads. It gives me loads of entertainment. It's just plain good fun.

I am so going to hell.....

Christopher in Oregon[/quote]


Even before you mentioned this, I knew you were just messing with their heads. I am also guilty in doing this... I'm easily amused. :lol:

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MarkyMark
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An annoying interruption

Post by MarkyMark » Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:30 pm

CIO,

That was Gold, brother! Posted both on the blog a few minute ago...

MarkyMark

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teotwawki3
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An annoying interruption

Post by teotwawki3 » Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:23 pm

I hate to say this, but what happens if Max shows up with a different woman to entertain you? I have let my mind go in places I would rather not as to how deviant American woman are now...

I suppose you could say you asked for Ruth. Kind of like the vegetarian thing.

Like the rest I am really entertained but I also have a bit of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach seeing how bad things really are now.

At some point I may make it out of my yuppie neck of the woods an buy you a drink. BTW I am looking a a nice Buell, shame about the company.

shivermetimbers
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An annoying interruption

Post by shivermetimbers » Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:36 am

Yep, CIO, you're the king, along with Superbad. lol
This whole thread is just pure comedy gold.
I bow to the master. 8-)

christopheroregon
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An annoying interruption

Post by christopheroregon » Wed Feb 23, 2011 12:22 pm

Gents;

So here's where this thread disappeared to....

Well, women can sure enough throw you for a loop. Never underestimate the enemy, my boys.

Last night, the phone rang, and of course it was Ruth. Tenacious Ruth. The eternal matchmaker Ruth. Not that she's the only person who calls me, mind you. She immediately informed me of the following:

"Chris, I told Max about how you wanted us to....do stuff. Like I said, I can't do that, but Max is into it. You need to call her."

"Really," I asked. "What did she tell you?"

"Well, and I didn't tell you this, all right? That's part of why Max and ----- are getting divorced. Max is kind of bi, and ----- couldn't deal with it. I didn't know that about her until the weekend."

"Well," said I, "what happened.?"

Ruth replied "When I told her about what you wanted, she was all for it. She said she had been interested in me for a long time. I told her no way, no how."

"So, she wants a threesome with me?" I said. At this point I was thinking where was this broad twenty years ago?

"Yeah. I guess."

"She doesn't even know me, and she's willing to have sex with another woman for my benefit? Am I getting this right?"

"Well, yeah. She'll do it."

"Jeez, what a slut!" I snapped.

"What!?" Ruth screeched.

"Ruth, that's just disgusting. What kind of woman would stoop so low as to have sex with a total stranger. That's really gross."

"But you said..." she snapped.

"Never mind that, Ruth. You have some really sleezy friends. I'm truly disappointed in you."

"But..." she started.

"Gotta go Ruth. This is so sad."

Click.

This time she didn't call back. I think I really pissed her off. One can only hope.

Now, what really still boggles my mind is how she comes coming back to me. The situation is ridiculous, yet she's hopelessly addicted to the drama, no matter how much of an asshole I am being towards her. The more irrational and rude I become, the more she is drawn to me like a moth to a flame. Even I'm learning something here. Amazing.

Christopher in Oregon

shivermetimbers
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An annoying interruption

Post by shivermetimbers » Wed Feb 23, 2011 2:43 pm

Sounds to me like she could be trying to cut another pony from the herd before she gelds the one she's with.

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