Co-worker marriage troubles

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edred30

Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by edred30 » Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:46 am

There is a guy here at work who...screwed up, really screwed up, by getting married (as strange at that may seem, heh heh).

He is 55, pot belly, very average dude. He is great fun to talk to, but lately he has been moping around a bit.

At 30 he married. They had no kids together. He helped her raise 2 daughters from a previous marriage. Ever since the girls moved away, his wife wants to buy a new house every 3 or 4 years, after, of course, selling the old one.

When he isn't renovating the current house, she is constantly on his ass about doing more work. He gets hell for playing golf. He gets hell for doing anything other than her bidding.

As you can imagine, he is tired of constantly working and moving. A few days ago, he told me, he expressed his thoughts on the matter. She then said to him, "I'm moving, you can come with me or not".

At that point, I tried to plant a seed by saying, "she might find that the next time she pulls on the ole' choke chain, there might not be anyone on the other end". I also went on for a few minutes about the joys of being a stray dog and renting (minimal upkeep) and generally being a bachelor. I said that once you are free for even a few months after a marriage, you'll never want to go back.

He says he is actually thinking about letting the old broad go. From what I know about him, I doubt he will.

He is such a good old guy, though. I would love it for him if he'd give her the heave ho.

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superbad
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Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by superbad » Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:05 pm

let me guess, his wife is a 55 YO walrus who used to play with Barbie's Magical Mansion as a child. :P

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mfsob
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Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by mfsob » Fri Sep 10, 2010 1:34 pm

spocksdisciple is right in that fear of the unknown is one of the things keeping a lot of men in marriages they hate.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, to date, was walking out that door one night and not going back despite the hysterical sobbing going on behind me. I was scared shitless because I didn't know what was going to happen next. The only thing in front of me was a black void.

. Because the only thing behind me was a black hole, one that was slowly and methodically sucking all the joy and meaning and reason for living out of me.

analyzing
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Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by analyzing » Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:14 pm

[quote]He's been married for 25 years so I doubt he would be willing to entertain the thought of bachelorhood.
This is a similar situation to what was described in the Matrix movie,
an older mind cannot be freed because it will have extreme difficulty in adjusting to the new "reality" and will fight against it.

Your co-worker will almost certainly prefer to be in a married state, as bad as that sounds, to being 'alone'. He's used to this and used to being henpecked, if he were really unhappy he would've made the decision to move on years ago.
But most men prefer the known to the unknown, it's only the younger men in their 20s and perhaps 30s that could make the transition into bachelorhood with minimal problems.
So I very much doubt he's going to give her the boot.[/quote]

Good post this is true.

These guys are like Linus from Charlie Brown.
They can't let go of their blanket(women).

The thought scares them half to death.

Not a healthy mind I say :roll:

analyzing
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Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by analyzing » Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:20 pm

"The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, to date, was walking out that door one night and not going back despite the hysterical sobbing going on behind me. I was scared shitless because I didn't know what was going to happen next. The only thing in front of me was a black void.

But I kept walking. Because the only thing behind me was a black hole, one that was slowly and methodically sucking all the joy and meaning and reason for living out of me."

alabama777

Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by alabama777 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:35 am

[quote]There is a guy here at work who...screwed up, really screwed up, by getting married (as strange at that may seem, heh heh).

He is 55, pot belly, very average dude. He is great fun to talk to, but lately he has been moping around a bit.

At 30 he married. They had no kids together. He helped her raise 2 daughters from a previous marriage. Ever since the girls moved away, his wife wants to buy a new house every 3 or 4 years, after, of course, selling the old one.

When he isn't renovating the current house, she is constantly on his ass about doing more work. He gets hell for playing golf. He gets hell for doing anything other than her bidding.

As you can imagine, he is tired of constantly working and moving. A few days ago, he told me, he expressed his thoughts on the matter. She then said to him, "I'm moving, you can come with me or not".

At that point, I tried to plant a seed by saying, "she might find that the next time she pulls on the ole' choke chain, there might not be anyone on the other end". I also went on for a few minutes about the joys of being a stray dog and renting (minimal upkeep) and generally being a bachelor. I said that once you are free for even a few months after a marriage, you'll never want to go back.

He says he is actually thinking about letting the old broad go. From what I know about him, I doubt he will.

He is such a good old guy, though. I would love it for him if he'd give her the heave ho.[/quote]


Ugh. He could still have a good life even if she got most of the assets after divorce. He won't. Your story about him reminds me about my last gf. Her father was always kept busy working hard on her house and on her mother's house. I thought he loved working on the two houses. But, after I met her mom, I could see clearly that mother and daughter were dictators. And, I was going to take the father's place sooner or later. So I dumped my gf on my birthday by phone. Best bday EVER.

alabama777

Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by alabama777 » Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:40 am

things keeping a lot of men in marriages they hate.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, to date, was walking out that door one night and not going back despite the hysterical sobbing going on behind me. I was scared shitless because I didn't know what was going to happen next. The only thing in front of me was a black void.

. Because the only thing behind me was a black hole, one that was slowly and methodically sucking all the joy and meaning and reason for living out of me. [/quote]


Excellent!! Some men are braver than others. That is what it takes.

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Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by rowingdude » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:47 am

"The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, to date, was walking out that door one night and not going back despite the hysterical sobbing going on behind me. I was scared shitless because I didn't know what was going to happen next. The only thing in front of me was a black void.

But I kept walking. Because the only thing behind me was a black hole, one that was slowly and methodically sucking all the joy and meaning and reason for living out of me."


[/quote]

Not to thread jack, but this personifies my feelings as I left my ex. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it's for the better (for me).

edred30

Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by edred30 » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:42 pm

One of the reasons it is hard to walk away from a long term relationship with a woman is that she has fooled the man into thinking he needs her and has nothing without her: no friends, no social life, no safety net, no this, not that. It's a charade. Congrations to all of you fellas that had the nuts to walk away from it...

1mhasmat

Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by 1mhasmat » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:48 pm

things keeping a lot of men in marriages they hate.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, to date, was walking out that door one night and not going back despite the hysterical sobbing going on behind me. I was scared shitless because I didn't know what was going to happen next. The only thing in front of me was a black void.

. Because the only thing behind me was a black hole, one that was slowly and methodically sucking all the joy and meaning and reason for living out of me. [/quote]

Right on. Me, too. You can marry an anchor, but you do not have to cling to it while it sinks to the bottom.

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Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by wc » Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:04 am

[quote]One of the reasons it is hard to walk away from a long term relationship with a woman is that she has fooled the man into thinking he needs her and has nothing without her: no friends, no social life, no safety net, no this, not that. It's a charade. Congrations to all of you fellas that had the nuts to walk away from it...[/quote]

Yes,

The general concensus seems to be that the couples
"married friends" tend to side with the wife and they will usually remain friends after the divorce. I'm not sure how often this is the case, but I've had at least a few married guys that I know report this to me?
I get the impression that most men have to start all over with their lives post divorce, and that for women, the transition from married life to divorcee is one that flows much more smoothly with the support network that is received, be it friends, family, and legal entitlements, men have far less of this going in their favour and often have to rebuild their entire lives. As someone who has made a few poor choices in life, and generally takes learning the hard way, I'm damn glad this is one mistake that I've never made! ;)

WC

dwyer

Co-worker marriage troubles

Post by dwyer » Tue Sep 14, 2010 5:35 pm

Usually over the course of time, the women has cut everyone in his life that isn't part if her's orginally or who she approves of, so the guy has few supports, I would say to the first poster to encourage your friend to take the step. Do like the women, the fem. s tell her to plan the exit, etc, good advice.
tell him you'll help him, it's never too late, he's depressed because that's the what the mind will do to protect itself from the illogical situation it finds itself in, especially after 25 years of marriage. She's morphed his mind to think he can't exist w/o her.
Another thread talked about the low cost of bacholar living, sit down, and work it out on paper for him.
Always be there for him, that's what's true friends do and never hold it against or tease him about the wasted time, etc, we have all been there.
Good Luck

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