YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post Reply
christopheroregon
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1092
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:41 pm

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by christopheroregon » Thu May 20, 2010 1:06 pm

Fellows;

I've been following the marital problems of an older Chinese-American co-worker of mine. He's in his late sixties, but can't afford to retire. Actually, he did retire, but had to go back to work. He draws his pension, a paycheck , and his SS. Sounds good, right?

Not really.

I've known for some time that his marriage was bad. Really bad. He unloaded on me once or twice about his violent wife, how they were separated, etc., etc. After thirty years of marriage, divorce was not an option, considering how his wife would nail him for alimony. Or so his reasoning went. (she's a vicious bitch) I don't know him that all-fired well, so I wasn't going to debate the issue at length. After all, it's his life.

Last week, I saw him sitting there at work, looking like he had just received a death sentence. He just sat there, staring off into space, with the saddest expression I've seen in a long time. I sauntered up to him, and being the compassionate guy I am, thought I'd ask how he was doing. Maybe try and cheer him up.

He responded to my initial query by shaking his head, and saying he was so confused. At his wit's end, even. I asked him what was going on, suspecting it was somehow wife-related. (Unhappy men are invariably married, divorced or somehow dealing with a woman)

He's been separated for some time from his wife, and she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Her son from her first brief marriage has been given power of attorney, and he placed her in a facility that cares for early stage Alzheimer's. Now, I spent ten years caring for a mother with Alzheimer's. I know how bad it is. My Dad and I kept her at home, and believe me, it's a daily nightmare of proportions you can't even begin to comprehend in your wildest imagination.

So, what has caused my co-worker to be so confused and unhappy?

He pulled out the paperwork from his briefcase, and the receipts. Last month's receipt for $4500, and the following month's receipt for $6000.

Yes, you guessed it. He may be "separated" from his wife, but he still has to pay for her expenses. Not her son. Just him, and him alone. He is required to pay $6000 a month to the facility his wife is now living in. He can't take her out and care for her himself to save money. She hates him, and her son won't allow it. He has NO voice in the matter, but he MUST cough up $6000 cash every month, for as long as she lives. As her Alzheimer's progresses, and it will, the cost of care goes UP. It can run quite a bit more than $6000 a month for advanced cases. Trust me; I KNOW! Been there, done that. My Dad and I opted to keep my increasingly violent mother home to avoid the risk of losing the home, which is what this fellow is facing.

Here he is, with an excellent pension, bills paid off, facing financial ruin because of his sick wife, that he no longer lives with, and who hates his guts.

THIS is one of the main reasons I have harped and harped without ceasing at young men, in particular. You have NO IDEA how bad it gets when a woman loses her health, and the process accelerates rapidly when she hits 35. You have no freakin' idea.

Let me tell you what Alzheimers's is like. A woman starts losing her memory. At first, it's little things. A little forgetful. Then, it accelerates. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. If her overall health is good, then it's actually worse.

"Why?", you ask.

Because she'll live just that much longer.

I got lucky. My mother had serious heart disease and diabetes. That was a nightmare by itself coupled with Alzheimer's, but it hastened her death. Merciful for all involved. As it was, we had to care for her for TEN long years, the last several being awful. Just bloody awful.

Not so my co-worker. His wife is as healthy as a horse in all other areas, and much younger than him. He'll probably die before she does. He'll want to.

I didn't have the heart to tell him what it's like caring for a woman with Alzheimer's. The violence. The paranoia. The crying. The screaming. The throwing of dishes. The constant vigil to make sure she doesn't wander away or burn the house down. 24/7. Every minute of every day and night. The loose bowels. Diapers. Changing diapers. Screaming and hitting while the diapers are being changed. He had too much to deal with that day, pondering how he was going to come up with the money each month.

Cash.

And not a day late, mind you.

Think long and hard about what I'm telling you. "In sickness and health" takes on a deep, dark significance when you think about how women fall apart, often long before the death-knell of menopause.

If you marry her, you will be required to pay for her upkeep. You and you alone. And it WILL be nightmarishly expensive at some point. You will not escape your destiny. Forget the stuff about your "golden years" spending time getting old with your wife. It's all propaganda. Pure bullshit.

You will spend countless days hauling her fat, aging, ungrateful butt to the doctor, the pharmacy and then back to the doctor again. You'll carefully sort her pills many times a day, only to have her throw them all on the floor. Then you'll spend hours separating them all again. You'll worry that maybe she didn't actually swallow all of her pills when her blood sugar spikes for no apparent reason. You'll wake up every day praying for the nightmare to end. Somehow. A bolt of lightning. Something.

There is no free lunch, and that old line is never more true than when dealing with a wife. The day will come when the bill comes due. It always does. And then you'll pay. And pay. And pay.

I'm telling you from the heart, all kidding aside, you can't comprehend how horrible it is caring for an elderly woman. You, as the husband, will care for her, or pay to have it done.

You will not escape, and it will destroy you.

Christopher

edred30

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by edred30 » Thu May 20, 2010 1:59 pm

My Mom suffered brain damage from improperly administered anesthesia when she was 65. She lived another 2 years. During those two years, her condition was nearly identical to Alzheimer's. My Dad took care of her and it completely exhausted him. He couldn't leave the house without someone there to watch her...she would wander down the street or burn the place to the ground. When she died, my Dad was of course sad, but at the same time very relieved. I could see it the next day even. When he was talking to relatives, he spoke with his old animation. You could see that the weight of the world had been lifted off of his shoulders.

I feel for the poor old Chinese guy. This is the time of his life to finally feel unburdened, to laugh at this screwy world, and to live life in the present, and perhaps to even share his stories and wisdom with the younger generation. Now his predicament will only sap his mental energy. Maybe there is something an attorney can do, but I've seen several situations like this, and none turned out well.

User avatar
superbad
Sage Bachelor
Posts: 4973
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by superbad » Thu May 20, 2010 2:05 pm

amen he also needs to forget about any sense of duty (to this witch)... and save his own ass.

christopheroregon
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1092
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:41 pm

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by christopheroregon » Thu May 20, 2010 2:21 pm

Ah, but he can't save his ass! He's trapped, and there is no hope for him! If he divorces her, the payments will continue. He will pay for her upkeep no matter what! The only escape for him is if she dies, or he dies.

Christopher

User avatar
dsc
Sage Bachelor
Posts: 2461
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:51 am

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by dsc » Thu May 20, 2010 2:29 pm

Holy crap, that is quite the post. +1


[quote] You'll worry that maybe she didn't actually swallow all of her pills when her blood sugar spikes for no apparent reason[/quote]

Oops, accidents happen :P ;)

sjenner
In a class of his own
Posts: 6620
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by sjenner » Thu May 20, 2010 3:03 pm

Well in addition to these dangers, why would I want to be stuck with an aging bitch with a smelly stink hole when I can continue to enjoy trips to bang hot under 25 nubile latinas? Heck if Art Bell at over 60 can marry a hot 19 year old Filipina that gives hope to all men. Art is great but not good looking.

User avatar
arcangel911
Sage Bachelor
Posts: 2974
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am
Location: Florida

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by arcangel911 » Thu May 20, 2010 4:21 pm

I agree with sjenner... take what is left of the money and run...... if he is Asian, I recommend an Asian area.... no one really knows who is living in the farm lands of Asia....

btownsportsfan

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by btownsportsfan » Thu May 20, 2010 8:46 pm

Powerful stuff there christopher.
Alzheimers is a miserable bastard,no doubt about it.

No rights.No say-so in her care.Crippling medical bills.And it sounds like your co-workers hell is just beginning.

ryan30
Bachelor
Posts: 234
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by ryan30 » Fri May 21, 2010 8:50 am

Well there is another way, he divorces that deranged Mrs. Bates and refuses to pay a single coin to that beast. At worst, he will go to jail. Now at 60, he doesn't have to fear about getting raped in prison. So, finally some peace for that tortured soul.

Don't think this bloke has that kind of balls. If he had, he wouldn't be married.

CIO is a Prophet and his posts are prophecies btw, if his words can't wake up a hapless man, maybe he isn't alive after all.
+1

Oh!! Forgot to add......So much for our angelic Foreign women, which most guys can't stop drooling over. Every time I hear stories like this I thank God I didn't buy that "Foreign Women love men" crap.

hhb
Sage Bachelor
Posts: 2211
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:33 pm
Location: Proboards - no e-mail or PM

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by hhb » Fri May 21, 2010 9:01 am

Guys,

Women are nothing more than a money pit with a vagina.

HHB

outcastsuperstar
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1661
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:33 pm

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by outcastsuperstar » Fri May 21, 2010 11:41 am

[quote]Well there is another way, he divorces that deranged Mrs. Bates and refuses to pay a single coin to that beast. At worst, he will go to jail. Now at 60, he doesn't have to fear about getting raped in prison. So, finally some peace for that tortured soul.

Don't think this bloke has that kind of balls. If he had, he wouldn't be married.

CIO is a Prophet and his posts are prophecies btw, if his words can't wake up a hapless man, maybe he isn't alive after all.
+1

Oh!! Forgot to add......So much for our angelic Foreign women, which most guys can't stop drooling over. Every time I hear stories like this I thank God I didn't buy that "Foreign Women love men" crap. [/quote]

I agree that marrying a foreign women and bringing one over is a bad idea. However I still like the idea of moving to a place like Thailand, Philippines, or a Latin/South American Country when you are at retirement age and hire an attractive 20-25 year old maid to take care of you in old age (Of course never sign a marriage contract). If a maid is not doing a good job fire that one and hire a new one who will.



Christopher shared a very informative story with us and is another reason why to never get married.

User avatar
Modelautoman
Sage Bachelor
Posts: 2231
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio USA

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by Modelautoman » Fri May 21, 2010 6:00 pm

The seals in my bachelorhood are getting stronger. However the horror stories I
heard about CIO'S mother and also the mother of Edred30 have got me thinking
about my own parents, both in their early 70s. What if one of them gets the same
illness that the mothers of CIO and Edred had? So I don't have to worry about
a woman by refusing to get married. I'm more than likely to be the one taking care
of them or one of them since I have no wife to think about. But it would be way too
expensive on my income and I have meds of my own to think about. Judging from
the aforementioned horror stories, taking care of ailing parents could be worse than
marriage.

Mr. CIO, I think I have a glimpse of my future and it is not rosy. And its not as if I
haven't listened to you. I read your story about the hell you and your father went
through. If I am lucky I'll die before they do. I 'm not liking this.

lusitan

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by lusitan » Fri May 21, 2010 6:07 pm

Wise words... if you happen to catch an attractive 18 year old to marry you; you'll probably be happy for a few years..

Its when she begins to have health problems(it seems they start to occur as soon as she has a steady provider..), that you realize that there are no free lunches.

I used to have math lessons with this 40 year old woman. At this age, she was still massively hot. I kid you not. Massively. 40D natural breasts, tall, with a bubble butt. Extremely sexy.

She met her provider when she was 15 years old and..... he was 23. She immediately left the boyfriend to date this guy. They married and they're still married. Thing is, the woman has vastly more academic education than the husband but, who's supporting the household and the wife?

The husband.

All males should stay away from women, always, but at least this guy got a young, very hot wife, and she was(seemingly) loyal to him all her life.

How many guys can say that? Most get married at the age of 30, and they get a wife whose vagina has met more penis than most Dentists ever meet bad teeth.

lovekraft

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by lovekraft » Sat May 22, 2010 9:42 pm

Similar situation at work, in that the 50 ish guy next to me works as much overtime as he can to minimize the amount of time he has to spend with his wife. He warned me on several occasions not to get in too deep, especially with single mothers.

Men have deep instincts when choosing a mate as to whether they would meet the standard for the long-term. Just because marriage became flexible doesn't mean men think in their potential wife in the long term.

cauchy

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by cauchy » Sat May 22, 2010 10:08 pm

Spocksdisciple, it's chilling how much your post reflects what is happening around my wider family (Chinese). My father is spot on when he tells me to avoid Chinese women. Though he doesn't quite agree with my view that all women should be avoided!

User avatar
MarcusAurelius
Professional Bachelor
Posts: 877
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am

YOUR future if you don't listen to Mr. CIO

Post by MarcusAurelius » Sun May 23, 2010 3:36 am

Well, if the INSTITUTION of marriage wasn't such a shambles and a nightmare, the sickness and health thing wouldn't be so bad. The whole idea is that one surrenders up themselves to their partner, and in PRINCIPLE that is a wonderful thing. Now the only one that surrenders is the MAN to his dominant and insane new master. In a PATRIARCHAL society where the MAN rules the house, this isn't a bad investment. Too bad there is nothing like it, and such an idea, like the marriage your grandparents probably had is as mythological as finding the Sasquatch. In a better day I would have happily traded my resources, which are impermanent anyway, to a wife that ACTUALLY loved me and respected me. Now they love only themselves, seeking what they can GAIN, not what they can GIVE.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests