Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

User avatar
Revenant
Professional Bachelor
Posts: 510
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:07 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Revenant » Thu May 26, 2016 2:01 pm

Approval seeking is subtle. I've just realized it here. :idea: I want you all to like my posts. I want to start threads that generate lots of responses.
I'm glad you aren't a bunch of women! :;wtf::

Zeta
Bachelor Awareness
Posts: 88
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2013 3:09 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Zeta » Sat May 28, 2016 7:26 pm

Revenant wrote:Are we any less seeking of male approval?

I've known several men that have labored their whole lives to live up to their father's expectations or worse yet live the dreams their fathers couldn't achieve.
I find your perspective on this, interesting.

Like you said in a subsequent post, approval seeking is very subtle. Sometimes we are not even aware of what we do to seek it.
Pretty much in every social group, there is an approval seeking process at at play. The members of the group who are higher in the hierarchy or who have a high status get their boots liked.

It's not about paying respect; it's more about pandering to those people to get accepted. I've run an experiment in real life. It's easier to get what I want from powerful and very intelligent men just by learning what they care about and pandering to them.
They are sharp enough to figure out what I am doing but it feels too good to have one's ego stroked, I guess.


I've notice two things:

1- Women have a lot of sway is most groups they are in.

2- The way somebody is perceived is critical

And like in any group, the outlier gets punished. People band together against them. As a result, openly disregarding female approval is a recipe for a miserable life.
Anybody who makes them feel bad pays dearly.

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Tue May 31, 2016 3:05 pm

Revenant wrote:Approval seeking is subtle. I've just realized it here. :idea: I want you all to like my posts. I want to start threads that generate lots of responses.
I'm glad you aren't a bunch of women! :;wtf::
actually the desire for female approval is most likely a subset of the emotion ambition. ambition is the desire to be liked by others such as yourself. No man is ambitious about rats or roaches. His ambitions are directed with the minds of other men and their opinions as his subconscious motive.

That said, I appreciate your honesty Revenant. And yes, the emotion of ambition has a subtle way of sneaking up on ya....next thing you know you are a dictator.
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

User avatar
Revenant
Professional Bachelor
Posts: 510
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:07 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Revenant » Tue May 31, 2016 4:53 pm

I don't know if female approval specifically is just hard-wired in us for procreation?

I'd like to hear some of you previously married members chime in.

When you were "taken" did the need for female approval lessen or was it the same?

How about the approval of mothers and other female family members?

I've had more than one woman tell me their marriage/relationships ended because their man still had to get approval from his mother for every decision.

For myself the most long-term relationship I was in(no co-habitation) at the height of it I didn't feel the need for approval from other women.

I could pretty much ignore them.

User avatar
Spockrates
Bachelor
Posts: 140
Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:26 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Spockrates » Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:15 am

I think a lot of good points have been made in this thread. But I think one major point has been omitted (or at least I did not not notice it). I have found that at the end of the day, the most difficult approval to come by, and that which is most difficult to do without, is self-approval.

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:39 am

sjenner wrote:True well after watching the movie Extract, it just shows how evil women are.
I haven't seen the movie. do you recommend it? Is it as good as office space?
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:43 am

silentstorm666 wrote:If you read Esther Vilar's "The Manipulated Man" she gives a pretty good explanation. Briefly, it starts from birth onwards as women, in the almost all cases, have the exclusivity of bringing up of a child, no matter if its the mother, grandmother, babysitter or other, its always a woman, while the father (figure) is absent for the majority of time for whatever reason. In that process the woman sets the conditioning of what is acceptable and what is not in a childs behaviour. Hence, the need for approval being positive.

"She takes care that man is directly trained for a particular purpose: he must work and put the fruits of his labor at her disposal. Woman has had this aim in view throughout the upbringing of her child and she engenders in him a series of conditioned reflexes which cause him to produce everything to satisfy her material needs. She does this by manipulating him from his first year of life. Consequently, by the time his education is complete, man will judge his own value by woman's estimation of his usefulness. He will be happy only when he has won her praise and produced something of value to her." p.22
I agree. Incidentally, my mother died when I was seven and my dad was sort of an "absentee parent". I was on my own for most of the time. I recently went through a couple of old photographs. I looked like a rwandan refugee in my teenage years lmao

The point is, there was no woman to condition me. This is probably why, unlike other men, I have no male mother need to satisfy. I enjoy sex, but I can do without it. I have gone celibate for years at a time (not even masturbation).
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

sjenner
In a class of his own
Posts: 7290
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by sjenner » Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:53 pm

Yes I recommend watching the movie Extract it's good like most of Mike Judge's films.

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:54 pm

sjenner wrote:Well to me at least in my experience, manginas and vile men are more dangerous than women.
I only realized the truth of this as recently as 5 months ago. And yes sjenner, you are absolutely right.
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:57 pm

Prodigal Son wrote:Why can't more men break free? I for one don't need it, never have done either but you only have to look around or listen to what people say and you'll soon see that it's one of the most powerful forces at play in our society. No matter where I go, who I speak with or what I do, women always come up, in one way or another. I'm not particularly bothered or interested in specifically but I am greatly interested in their actions and what they do. Another poster for whom I hold a great respect on here recently mentioned that "for a being that looks so beautiful; how can it be so evil?" and that is why I don't understand how men still need/seek their approval and, in some cases, even after breaking free. Now, please forgive me if I come across as somewhat negative in this posting because that isn't my intention at all. I do, however, notice that a few people here still seek the approval of females (subconsciously or otherwise) and my question is this: do they know they're doing it? It's probably quite difficult to erase a lifetime of being told something but as I grew up in somewhat different circumstances I've never had those "norms" to deal with in the first place and so maybe that's a good thing. This is probably a very muddled post, just some thoughts that were on my mind and if this is of no relevance then please, do let me know.

I wish you all the very best, gentlemen.
PS
To answer your question: why can't more men break free?
The simple yet bitter truth is that SLAVERY IS THE NATURAL STATE OF MEN. Vilar understood that men do not in fact desire freedom but derive an existential validation in roles such as good provider, loving father, husband etc. it does not matter how much slavery/bondage is attached to these roles. For most men, belonging is better than the existential vertigo of true freedom.
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

sjenner
In a class of his own
Posts: 7290
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 12:55 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by sjenner » Wed Jun 08, 2016 6:20 pm

Reading books like the Little Prince from Machiavelli opened my eyes to the mindset of manginas and pussifed men.
Also the stoic man can stand alone without vagina.

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Thu Jun 09, 2016 8:54 am

sjenner wrote:Yes I recommend watching the movie Extract it's good like most of Mike Judge's films.
I downloaded EXTRACT last night and watched it. It was pretty funny, but I prefer office space. Truth be told, I prefer reading or writing to watching movies. Watching the tube feels rather passive. I don't even own a tv set, let alone cable. I have a really large monitor that I attach to my laptop and that's it :D

At any rate, thanks for the recommendation sjenner
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

User avatar
Grenade001
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1020
Joined: Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:35 am
Location: Australia

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Grenade001 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 9:18 am

Spockrates wrote:I think a lot of good points have been made in this thread. But I think one major point has been omitted (or at least I did not not notice it). I have found that at the end of the day, the most difficult approval to come by, and that which is most difficult to do without, is self-approval.
Self approval is I think the hardest thing to achieve. However, once you have it, you are unstoppable.

Mr Bean is one of my favourite comedies. He is an example of a man who has his own approval. Doesn't worry about looking cheap or whatever. That is something to aspire to.
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

User avatar
Revenant
Professional Bachelor
Posts: 510
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 11:07 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Revenant » Thu Jun 09, 2016 1:44 pm

Grenade001 wrote:
Spockrates wrote:I think a lot of good points have been made in this thread. But I think one major point has been omitted (or at least I did not not notice it). I have found that at the end of the day, the most difficult approval to come by, and that which is most difficult to do without, is self-approval.
Self approval is I think the hardest thing to achieve. However, once you have it, you are unstoppable.

Mr Bean is one of my favourite comedies. He is an example of a man who has his own approval. Doesn't worry about looking cheap or whatever. That is something to aspire to.

Doesn't that cut both ways?
It's something I've always wrestled with in my life.
Self-approval and ambition battle in my brain.
If you are too self-approving, too easy on yourself you may not accomplish much?
I may set out to paint that masterpiece but then tell myself my stick figures are just fine.
Mr. Bean is hilarious but he focuses on the simple pleasures of life.

User avatar
Grenade001
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1020
Joined: Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:35 am
Location: Australia

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by Grenade001 » Thu Jun 09, 2016 10:58 pm

Revenant wrote:
Grenade001 wrote:
Self approval is I think the hardest thing to achieve. However, once you have it, you are unstoppable.

Mr Bean is one of my favourite comedies. He is an example of a man who has his own approval. Doesn't worry about looking cheap or whatever. That is something to aspire to.

Doesn't that cut both ways?
It's something I've always wrestled with in my life.
Self-approval and ambition battle in my brain.
If you are too self-approving, too easy on yourself you may not accomplish much?
I may set out to paint that masterpiece but then tell myself my stick figures are just fine.
Mr. Bean is hilarious but he focuses on the simple pleasures of life.
I suppose it does, and you can never really eliminate external feedback affecting your psyche. You don't know the road is bumpy until you feel it in the steering wheel. However, people place too much weight on feedback and a lot of it is faulty. For example, boxers like Mayweather got told their whole lives by their parents and their coaches that they are the best and that they will reach the top. When you have that sort of feedback, you will do miles better than someone who gets told that they are shit constantly.

Having an internal feedback system, or more accurately a schema of criterion, that isn't so focused on external feedback, is probably more desirable. It would be similar to a road map with a predetermined route, the road signs saying "X miles to your destination" is external feedback, but comparing it to the route drawn on your map, you know you are going in the right direction. The external is really only confirming the internalth

With the masterpiece situation, it is one of those things that it has to align to your values, otherwise you are simply following another script. You may have no intention, nor ability to paint a masterpiece, any efforts to do so would be frustrating. Whereas, you may be designed to being a comedian, supressing thar innate desire would do you more harm in the long run.

And there is nothing shameful about making life easier for yourself. I would enjoy living out in the country, but I know I am no mountain man so the threads on tiny houses and living in a van on here don't do it for me. I would prefer at least a modest house. Am I less because I prefer a different station on the same line to the likes of wc and pottedmeat, who want to go more all out than me?
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

User avatar
mongolking
Bachelor
Posts: 229
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2013 7:28 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by mongolking » Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:04 pm

Grenade001 wrote: And there is nothing shameful about making life easier for yourself. I would enjoy living out in the country, but I know I am no mountain man so the threads on tiny houses and living in a van on here don't do it for me. I would prefer at least a modest house. Am I less because I prefer a different station on the same line to the likes of wc and pottedmeat, who want to go more all out than me?
That's a good question.

Why some of us choose extreme lifestyles can easily be taken for granted. It might appear to be a character quirk - 'we just love to live out in the sticks'.

On closer examination though, it may not be so simple. It could be that the 'extreme' lifestyle is no more than a way of living furthest from a day-to-day life that has become unbearable. If so, the desire to do so demonstrates a plan and a willingness to execute it. Nothing more, nothing less.

User avatar
spocksdisciple
Sage Bachelor
Posts: 2600
Joined: Sat Sep 01, 2012 6:32 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by spocksdisciple » Sun Jun 12, 2016 5:06 pm

mongolking wrote:
Grenade001 wrote: And there is nothing shameful about making life easier for yourself. I would enjoy living out in the country, but I know I am no mountain man so the threads on tiny houses and living in a van on here don't do it for me. I would prefer at least a modest house. Am I less because I prefer a different station on the same line to the likes of wc and pottedmeat, who want to go more all out than me?
That's a good question.

Why some of us choose extreme lifestyles can easily be taken for granted. It might appear to be a character quirk - 'we just love to live out in the sticks'.

On closer examination though, it may not be so simple. It could be that the 'extreme' lifestyle is no more than a way of living furthest from a day-to-day life that has become unbearable. If so, the desire to do so demonstrates a plan and a willingness to execute it. Nothing more, nothing less.
I think this is more the case, the idea of living out in the boonies with the bare essentials doesn't really appeal to me personally, though I love the idea of complete solitude. But it takes a certain kind of mindset to be comfortable with a very minimalist lifestyle. Not the idea of leaving consumer convenience behind but the idea of facing the enormous amount of work which goes with living such a lifestyle.

These tiny houses and backwoods living is a lot of work and requires a competent and very self reliant skillset, I hate to admit it but I'm one of those types who do not possess such a skillset, no matter how attractive the appeal of living "off-grid" is, I don't think I would have the stamina to go very long in such a lifestyle.

I applaud those who have been taught or otherwise have acquired such skills and are capable to implementing such an escape plan.
Disciple of the Other Mr.Spock

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:36 am

spocksdisciple wrote:
mongolking wrote:
Grenade001 wrote: And there is nothing shameful about making life easier for yourself. I would enjoy living out in the country, but I know I am no mountain man so the threads on tiny houses and living in a van on here don't do it for me. I would prefer at least a modest house. Am I less because I prefer a different station on the same line to the likes of wc and pottedmeat, who want to go more all out than me?
That's a good question.

Why some of us choose extreme lifestyles can easily be taken for granted. It might appear to be a character quirk - 'we just love to live out in the sticks'.

On closer examination though, it may not be so simple. It could be that the 'extreme' lifestyle is no more than a way of living furthest from a day-to-day life that has become unbearable. If so, the desire to do so demonstrates a plan and a willingness to execute it. Nothing more, nothing less.
I think this is more the case, the idea of living out in the boonies with the bare essentials doesn't really appeal to me personally, though I love the idea of complete solitude. But it takes a certain kind of mindset to be comfortable with a very minimalist lifestyle. Not the idea of leaving consumer convenience behind but the idea of facing the enormous amount of work which goes with living such a lifestyle.

These tiny houses and backwoods living is a lot of work and requires a competent and very self reliant skillset, I hate to admit it but I'm one of those types who do not possess such a skillset, no matter how attractive the appeal of living "off-grid" is, I don't think I would have the stamina to go very long in such a lifestyle.

I applaud those who have been taught or otherwise have acquired such skills and are capable to implementing such an escape plan.
I wish I could live far more frugally than I presently do, but the way things are with massive inflation and stagnant wages and declining entrepreneurial opportunities (in my country) I don't see how.
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

User avatar
phoenix
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1354
Joined: Mon May 12, 2014 9:33 pm

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by phoenix » Tue Jun 14, 2016 7:27 pm

Ironically, if you really want to live cheaply you can live well, but it requires a wife and popping out children to help you.

People were wealthier before the government and bankers blocked everyone from living off the land, and then put a wedge between men and women. Now everyone thinks everything is too expensive, and works in a dreary office giving themselves obesity, diabetes and heart problems 12+ hours a day to buy a little tiny space to live in, pays a premium for organic food and spring water.

In the past you just had a huge plot of land, cattle, crops, fresh well water etc. and even the "poor" had this. I guess it pissed off the wealthy, or those that wanted to be truly wealthy, that the poors weren't suffering as they felt they should be. Dirt poor farmers indeed. The amount of money it would take for your average office worker to live the life of a dirt poor farmer of the past is insane.

User avatar
inplainsight
Legend Bachelor
Posts: 1682
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:10 am

Re: Why is the male need of female approval so strong?

Post by inplainsight » Wed Jun 15, 2016 3:56 pm

phoenix wrote:Ironically, if you really want to live cheaply you can live well, but it requires a wife and popping out children to help you.

People were wealthier before the government and bankers blocked everyone from living off the land, and then put a wedge between men and women. Now everyone thinks everything is too expensive, and works in a dreary office giving themselves obesity, diabetes and heart problems 12+ hours a day to buy a little tiny space to live in, pays a premium for organic food and spring water.

In the past you just had a huge plot of land, cattle, crops, fresh well water etc. and even the "poor" had this. I guess it pissed off the wealthy, or those that wanted to be truly wealthy, that the poors weren't suffering as they felt they should be. Dirt poor farmers indeed. The amount of money it would take for your average office worker to live the life of a dirt poor farmer of the past is insane.
That financial deterrence is proof that wage slavery is by human design and not a natural emergent-type effect. The following is my favorite lecture on this subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbp6umQT58A
Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours - Richard Bach

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests