Been gone a while.....

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christopheroregon
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Been gone a while.....

Post by christopheroregon » Sun Dec 12, 2010 10:09 am

Gents;

I've been gone a while. My almost 92 year-old father died last week of cancer. Cancer of the lungs, esophagus, all adjacent organs, chest cavity, bones and the brain. Pretty much everywhere. He went fast, shockingly fast, after he fell down and shattered his hip and leg.

But, this is no plea for compassion. I have a solid network of friends who have helped, and helped immensely. Things are great now; the old man is no longer suffering. That's all that matters.

Now, as you all know, even this can be turned into a lesson for budding young bachelors like yourselves. "How?", you might ask. Is it going to be a long dissertation on the evils of smoking? Well, no. It should be, but no. My father stopped smoking in 1966, so while his death from cancer could very well be attributed to his smoking from the 1930's until the 1960's, that's not where I'm going. Not today, anyway. Besides, I smoke a pipe occasionally, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna sell my collection of antique pipes. Hell, no.

Let me elaborate a bit. I took care of my mother for many years. Ten, actually. Alzheimer's, heart disease, diabetes.....a real pain. But, it's your parent, and what are you going to do? My father was solidly independent for all but his last few weeks, so I got lucky. Damn lucky. Plus, when he broke his hip, I lucked out. One of my best friends is life-long friends with the owners of one of the finest care facilities in the state. One phone call by him, and they had my father out of the hospital. No paper work, no financial research. Just Boom!, and he was transported in a matter of hours after my friend made the call. So, again, I got lucky. It could have been much, much worse.

But, where in the hell am I going with this? So what; you have two parents, and you might have to take care of them. It sucks, but you owe it to them. It's what a real man does. He doesn't abandon his parents in their time of trouble.

But did you know, if you get married, you've just inherited TWO more parents? Yes, you heard that right. Now, I know a lot of you guys are in your twenties. You aren't contemplating your own mortality, let alone that of your parents. You're too busy doing whatever young bucks do in their twenties. You have your whole life ahead of you, stretching out luxuriously forever and ever.

Balls.

Life just doesn't work that way. It was just yesterday, or so it seems, that I was 20. The time passes by shockingly fast. You can't understand it, not really and truly understand it, until you get in your forties. Yes, I know. It'll take forever to get there. But no, it won't. It really won't. Soon you'll be up there, and you may very well have to take care of your parents. I hope that you, unlike me, have a strong family support network so the whole mess of looking after your parents doesn't fall squarely on your back. It's not fun, and it's not easy. It's at times like this that I envy people with lots and lots of brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles.

But, back to my earlier point. Picture this: you're married, and your parents are falling apart. Your mom is delusional, your father has cancer (been there in both cases), and you're at your wit's end. What are you going to do? Well, you've also got a fat angry wife, and several demanding, ungrateful brats. As bad as it was for me, at least I didn't have to cope with that, as well. But, back to the wife. She probably also has parents, and they are probably both alive. Her mother still hates you for marrying her precious cow of a daughter, and her father thinks you're a lazy bum. They've been trying to sabotage your lousy marriage from day one, and now they're getting old. Really old. And you've just been appointed their caretaker. Yep, and you thought marrying a woman who was an only child would be a good thing. Well, maybe she's an only child, and maybe not. Either way, if not, her siblings are going to try and find a way to move her sick parents in on YOU.

Remember, they all hate you anyway. And since your wife is a real bitch, they probably hate her, too. So, you've just been appointed the job of the official ass-wiper :P for FOUR elderly people. You think I exaggerate? Oh, no, boys. I exaggerate not one frickin' bit. You have no idea. Been there, done that. You have two parents, and she has two parents, and since you're such a Nice Guy, you will get the job of dealing with all four of them. I guarantee you, it will probably happen. But, maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe they won't all get sick at once. Maybe it will only be one at a time stretching over a period of thirty years or so. Gee, there goes all your plans for vacations with your fat, angry wife.

So you wanted a pool table some day? Some sort of distraction from having to watch your fat, angry wife grow fatter and even angrier now that she's in menopause? Ain't gonna happen. That spare room your college-bound daughter once occupied, that same mindless idiot who couldn't earn a scholarship if you paid her and whose tuition YOU now have to pay, that same spare room is now going to be for your wifes parents.

WTF?

Oh, you don't think that happens? Guess again. I've seen it happen to many guys over the years, and it WILL probably happen to you. Just when you hit middle-age, or maybe when you want to retire, HER parents, the same ones that hate you, their son-in-law, will get to move in. With you. And you'll get to care for them. Don't argue; it will probably happen.

You thought that once your kids were grown, you could walk around the house naked whenever you felt like it? Ain't gonna happen. Imagine walking into the kitchen for a sandwich, stark naked, in the middle of the night and running into your mother-in-law. It happened to my brother with wife # 2.

I just want to use my problems and experiences to get you to contemplate your future. Your future as either a bachelor, or as a caretaker of the elderly. Now, I say again, you might very well have to take care of your parents. It sucks, but it's reality. But TWO sets of parents? Do you really want to sign on for THAT deal? It's in the fine print, boys. You married her, so you married her whole damn family. Her parents, became in effect, YOUR parents. You will be stuck with them. And if you balk at your new load, the divorce court is waiting for you.

Give it some serious thought.

Besides, you've got to save up your energy for your wife. Huh? Yeah, SHE will get old, too. So that's FIVE old people you'll get to take care of. Five butts covered with poop that need cleaning several times a day.

Masturbating is looking really good right about now, eh? :roll:

Christopher in Oregon

dmitry
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Been gone a while.....

Post by dmitry » Sun Dec 12, 2010 10:21 am

Hi,
I was wondering where you were, it's been sometime since you posted here. That's a real eye-opener post. Thanks

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arcangel911
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Been gone a while.....

Post by arcangel911 » Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:55 am

Excellent post CIO...

I am sorry to hear your father passed. But by the sounds of it, he passed with dignity and lived a long time. I am sure he was honored by your compassion and devotion to him in his final days.

sjenner
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Been gone a while.....

Post by sjenner » Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:31 pm

Welcome back Mr. CIO! My condolences for your father's passing. I am thankful to be single happy bachelor. Concerned about my parents since they have not called me in long time.

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Modelautoman
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Been gone a while.....

Post by Modelautoman » Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:47 pm

CIO, I started wondering about you and hear you are! Its good to hear
from you,bro. I'm sorry about your loss and my condolensces are with you.

Being the only single man in my family I too will probably be my parents'
caretaker and for that reason I found your thread as well as Spocksdisciple's
reply, very encouraging. It is also the Christian thing to do. That is what
"manning up" is really all about, thank you gentlemen.

ppfd
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Been gone a while.....

Post by ppfd » Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:17 pm

Sorry to hear about your dad as well. Sounds like he had little suffering. And once again so true on the double set of parents!

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Prodigal Son
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Been gone a while.....

Post by Prodigal Son » Sun Dec 12, 2010 6:51 pm

Christopher; I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sure your father was a great man who played a great part in your life.
I have to say I really enjoyed this post, life is incredibly short and I'm slowly but surely realising that what you say is true - nothing lasts forever.

Take care there,
PS

patrick23
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Been gone a while.....

Post by patrick23 » Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:00 pm

Sorry about your loss CIO. Stay strong.

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superbad
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Been gone a while.....

Post by superbad » Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:16 pm

i am sorry to hear about your loss .

shade47

Been gone a while.....

Post by shade47 » Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:40 pm

sorry about your father cio and thanks for turning his passing into a learning point for the rest of us about reality.

Missed you welcome back!

loser

Been gone a while.....

Post by loser » Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:38 pm

Ping CIO:

Sorry to hear of your Father's departure from this World. Sorry for you, that is. Whatever we all believe, when we die, our suffering is over.

I suspect your Father is in a better place. Having first hand experience with CA, I honestly envy some who depart quickly. The droning, draining slog of CA is SO onerous...even in remission.

EVERYONE suffers. The patient, the family, the loved ones, and the caregivers as well.

It's cold here in Chicago. Not as bad as predicted, but still nasty.

When I'm done with this post, I'm going to take most of my clothes off, and go stand barefoot on my terrace in the cold (no one can see me).

I'll leave the Christmas lights on, and look in the sky for a few minutes. I'll think of you, and your Father and ask some higher being for grace for us all. 92 years? Quite a run.

Peace on Earth
Goodwill to ALL Men

oldschoolbmx37

Been gone a while.....

Post by oldschoolbmx37 » Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:10 pm

Sorry, brother.

We've all missed you.

Welcome back.

christopheroregon
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Been gone a while.....

Post by christopheroregon » Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:15 pm

Greetings all, and thank you for the kind words.

Yes, my father suffered very little. In this, he was so fortunate. It could have been much worse. He died on December 3rd at about 3 p.m. He had stage 4 cancer, and it was just about everywhere. He only had a few weeks of real discomfort, (thank goodness for morphine) and he had the best care at the end. And he didn't die all alone, which was his wish. Who could ask for more?

So, I'm back, and since I'm practically out of relatives, (excluding my brother who lives in The Netherlands and rarely see), I plan on hanging around. I now have time and no one to care for, except Elmo, my beloved Siamese, and he never minds my being here. He doesn't like women, either.

There are simply too damn many women slithering about trying to devour young guys like those who frequent this forum. I will spend the rest of my life trying to thwart their nefarious plans, and saving as many souls from those soulless beasts.

It is, after all, my calling in life.

Christopher in Oregon

salinger

Been gone a while.....

Post by salinger » Mon Dec 13, 2010 12:55 am

I was afraid of this, Christopher. Condolences & sympathies sent your way. Your father was fortunate to have you, his son, with him through it all.

If the sun shines & it's warm enough, take a nice ride on the moto for him. He'll be riding wingman with you.

williemolson
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Been gone a while.....

Post by williemolson » Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:23 am

Chris, my sympathies on the loss of your father. I was wondering where you were, and if you were okay. As usual, an insightful and truthful post.

wc
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Been gone a while.....

Post by wc » Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:31 am

Your absence has been noticed Christopher, welcome back!
Sorry about your loss, we just lost my 94 year old grandfather about a month ago, so I feel where you're coming from, he had been in a vegetative state for the last few years, so I don't think he was too aware of life anymore?

Anyhow, your life stories are valuable and I think that you have singlehandedly inspired many of the young guys here, and quite possibly, saved quite a few? Perhaps we should affectionately refer to you as
St Christopher? Religious/atheist humor if you will ;)

WC

khankrumthebulgar

Been gone a while.....

Post by khankrumthebulgar » Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:57 pm

Christopher sorry for your loss. My Father is still around and feisty as ever. He had some cardiac issues a few years ago but that is all squared away for now. What is true is when you marry, you marry into a Family as well. That means you get all the drama and obligations that accompany that as well. Step Children, Siblings of your spouse etc. It there are problems and there usually are, it means you are expected to "Man Up" and pay for the help. It does not mean you get any breaks if you are busting ass to pay for past relationships, child support children etc. Too bad you are screwed.

Women are fond of saying they have a "Starter Marriage", as Men are considered disposable. It sucks if you are out of work, low income, or under employed. There is nobody who is looking out for you. The old deal was a partnership even if it was 60/40 it was liveable. The current paradigm is akin to slavery, wage slavery. She is your Master and the Task Master or Slave Boss is the Government aka. Uncle Sam.

I have an Uncle in advanced stages of Prostate Cancer. He is a triple dipper and a lifetime Bachelor. No kids. His Sisters had enough to go around. Mom had four and his other Sister had two.

Watching a loved one die of Alzheimer's Disease is tough, as is Cancer. You have paid your Dues CIO.

21stcenturymale
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Been gone a while.....

Post by 21stcenturymale » Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:12 pm

Christopheroregon, I'm sorry to hear that your father has passed away. Welcome back by the way.

recluse
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Been gone a while.....

Post by recluse » Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:06 am

Welcome back Christopher.
You have been strongly in my thoughts for the last week or so.
Condolences upon the passing of your father.
My dad is 75 today.
He has parkinson's and recent heart fibrillation problems.
The 36 hour power outage from the recent blizzard that passed through Michigan was hard on him.
He could no longer lift the 5 gallon gas can to the generator.

The folks are coming to the point of needing more and more attention.
They tried to get me to move in with them for the worst part of the winter ostensibly for my benefit, but in reality to prepare for the coming times.

I'm used to living alone and plan to keep it that way, I'm only 20 miles away and can commute the distance and still come to my own home to be alone.

Good to have you back brother.
-recluse-

analyzing
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Been gone a while.....

Post by analyzing » Tue Dec 14, 2010 9:32 pm

Sorry to hear about your father Christopher.

My condolences.

recluse
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Been gone a while.....

Post by recluse » Wed Jan 05, 2011 4:51 am

[quote]..Now, I know a lot of you guys are in your twenties. You aren't contemplating your own mortality, let alone that of your parents. You're too busy doing whatever young bucks do in their twenties. You have your whole life ahead of you, stretching out luxuriously forever and ever.

Balls.

Life just doesn't work that way. It was just yesterday, or so it seems, that I was 20. The time passes by shockingly fast. You can't understand it, not really and truly understand it, until you get in your forties. Yes, I know. It'll take forever to get there. But no, it won't. It really won't. Soon you'll be up there....

Christopher in Oregon[/quote]

That's the truth young men.
It may seem like time will be very slow,but it accelerates very rapidly once you're in the mid 30's.

When you hit the mid 40's the days fly by like hours used too.

Be good to your bodies while your young,and set up money and a plan so your years from 45 to ? are the easiest they can be.

While I had one hell of a fun ride I didn't plan well, and it's come to nip me in the ass.

The office job was too boring, I liked working outside and making my living with construction.

That was a mistake.

Find a way to take that boring (safe) desk job, save your body and money,you can always pump iron in the basement or at a gym.

Do not drink and drive.The injuries sustained in vehicular collisions may not kill you at once,but will produce aches and pains that manifest in older years.

Same with jobs like carpet installers and concrete workers, they lose their knees before retirement.

That rugged manly job you love so well may be your pain of tomorrow. (word up)

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Prodigal Son
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Been gone a while.....

Post by Prodigal Son » Wed Jan 05, 2011 5:09 am

Christopher, I miss you so much and I'm sure many other members of this community do too.
Please come back, but only when you're ready, and know that it's because of you in particular I've found my feet.

Take care and good luck,
PS

stephen1919

Been gone a while.....

Post by stephen1919 » Wed Jan 05, 2011 5:18 am

Sorry to hear it Christopher, your messages are always read with extreme attention.

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