Superbad Dating Theory

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superbad
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Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:01 am

Superbad Dating Theory

The true measure of success with women is how many meals they've cooked you. Forget pussy; that's a measure of success for brainless males who aren't hungry. I got a Latina, half my age, to cook me 6000 meals. And this wasn't one of those pussy deals where she cooks and I clean. She washed the dishes too. And baked pecan pies. Young men need less ass kissing advice and more advice on how to get women back in the fucking kitchen.

My secret? My stellar hygiene. I don't own shampoo, conditioner, a comb, a hair brush, or a hair dryer. I cut my own hair. I shave using a beard trimmer. No shavers, cream, or aftershave. I don't own deodorant. Or cologne. Or a watch. My cell phone is on silent because I don't want to talk. I wear no jewelry. I drove to the beach with a pair of jeans and cargo pants. When I wash the jeans, I wear the cargo pants. My boots are 20 years old.

And I'm classy! I don't go to musicals, Starbucks, or museums. I don't ask girls on dates. Or for their number. Or to the movies. Or to dinner. I don't care what they think. Or worry about political correctness. My truck is over 20 years old. It has no air conditioning: this is a big hit with the ladies! And its loud enough that at mid-throttle I can't hear what the fuck they're even saying. I like to assume they're just talking about how big my dick is.

Act now and you'll learn my meal-scoring lines, like:
1) "Pass the salt and pepper."
2) "What's for dinner?"
3) "Hey baby, I like your tacos."
4) "Don't bother asking: I always want it cooked rare."
5) "Where's my fucking dinner?"

You'll also get my award-winning tips on scoring meals:
1) Stop asking women out to dinner.
2) Try nailing the chick until she passes out.
3) When she comes over, show her the kitchen.
4) Stop being so fucking nice: hungry people aren't nice.
5) Find a girl with low self esteem and start yelling.

Here's what the experts are saying:

Roost: "On superbad's advice, I finally flew to a country where all the men were fat... this was a big tip off that the women in that country can actually cook a fucking meal."

Neil Stress: "I got older, turned my back on game, and have regrets... i just want a child now... and a woman willing to make us spaghettios... and remind me to take my rogaine."

Mysterious: "I used to dress like a fag, knock up skanks, and push a baby stroller... now with superbad's advice i still do all those things but the skank makes me an occasional ham sandwich."


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recluse
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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recluse » Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:18 pm

So true.
My grandmother,God rest her soul-used to say
"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Considering German was her native tongue,that ain't bad advice at all.
There's only one sensation with sex,but taste has unlimited variety.
Start providing girls,or go extinct.

On edit:
Oh yeah,a loud truck is a big plus for shutting down yammering.Personally I prefer just enough of a muffler leak that I can get on the throttle and plead ignorance.(I have small game to consider)

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recon187
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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recon187 » Mon Apr 23, 2012 1:34 pm

just curious, I have to keep my gullible side in check, is this post all true? If so, you just might be the coolest dude i've ever heard of.
Slow down when your boxing. Don't be in such a hurry to get beat up. ~ Matthew Hughes.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:24 pm

recon187, to the horror of many, it is 100% true. well, except for... i do care what women think. i don't always care very much, but i do care. and i would never yell at a chick with low self esteem. i might get her to cook me thousands of meals and blow me everyday, but yelling wouldn't be very nice.

that 18 year old Latina also gave me ~2000 body massages. often she'd put on candles, incense, and soft music; pull off my clothes, and offer me head first so i'd be totally relaxed. now that's a girlfriend! and i did occasionally nail her till she passed out. and other gfs cooked me 1000's of meals.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recon187 » Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:30 pm

that's awesome. im definitely a little jealous. does she have a sister you can send my way. lol
Slow down when your boxing. Don't be in such a hurry to get beat up. ~ Matthew Hughes.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:32 am

recon187, follow ETM: focus on yourself and a chick will show. i feel it is a mistake to put effort into "dating". dating just aids in ending up with a chick who won't do much, because she had to be conned (gamed) into it.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recon187 » Tue Apr 24, 2012 12:57 am

I get plenty of women just none of that caliber. My game sucks so I quit playing. It seems I just get crappie single moms chasing me. so I follow the bachelor lifestyle and love it. I must have missed the post on ETM. i definitely don't know the accro for that one.
Slow down when your boxing. Don't be in such a hurry to get beat up. ~ Matthew Hughes.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Tue Apr 24, 2012 2:43 am

recon187, ETM is Escaping the Matrix...

http://happybachelorsforum.com/viewtopi ... =4&t=10874

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recon187 » Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:19 am

thanks. i've read all your stuff in the best of. i just never picked up on that. thanks again.
Slow down when your boxing. Don't be in such a hurry to get beat up. ~ Matthew Hughes.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:44 am

no problem recon187.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recluse » Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:00 am

I didn't know what ETM was either,so was glad recon asked.
This will be "best of" materiel,but the staff (myself included) have been lax in moving stuff over there.We're just coasting along,laid back style.The way it should be,I suppose.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:53 pm

thank you recluse. i originally posted it for laughs. but in all seriousness, why don't PUA gurus, who are so good with women, get chicks to cook them meals? maybe the truth is, they're not good with women. they're good at conning women into bed. there's a huge difference. if they were good with women, the gal would be trying to figure out how to keep them. she might even put on an apron, get her skinny ass in the kitchen, and burn her little fingers. when a chick finds her missing puzzle piece and the fog of vagina engulfs her, all that feminist bullcrap goes right out the window. at that point they'd just assume throw all the other women overboard.

and who talks about this? and why listen to me. i am a beta. i am 5' 6". i don't even own cologne. i doubt i could pick up a woman in a DC bar if my life depended on it. i prefer redneck chicks anyway. i've had sex with fewer chicks, in my life, than some PUA's do in a month. but who got more sex? lets forget about sex. forget "gayme" theory. i can make up my own bullshit theories. like, if a guy's goal is to bed the max amount of women (and he's not a model), my guess is he's better at gaming than he is at screwing. or, a vagina is a vagina. but some don't work, even if you bang them for an hour. and they might just end up attached to a "hard-core" feminist.

superbad dating theory (one man's bullshit) states that the goal is not sex. the goal is home cooked meals. that is real currency. the goal is body rubs. or fingers run through your hair so you can fall asleep easier. or being serenaded with Italian opera, or a jazz trumpet. these PUA gurus, these Boagrius', these posers, these moppets of pussy or missing fathers, will never create an Achilles. real success is living your life in your own way. period. it's not... "change your habits, young man." "forget your hobbies, young man." "chase pussy, young man." dance. dance. you marionette, young man. turn into a wind up toy, young man. turn into the world's little bitch. OXI

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by recluse » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:47 am

I agree wholeheartedly.
PUA's get real good at "Masturbating inside a vagina."
Which seems to be what the gals desire,but it's severely lacking in the personal touch-hey!-Wheres the love man?
A good meal in the belly and some affectionate touching and rubbing is far more satisfying than just the sex alone.(She actually cares,in her own fashion.)

Modern women need to be lead to this end result,or GTFO.
The PUA's settle for less and pander their asses off for an unsatisfactory result=FAIL.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:00 pm

PUA's get real good at "Masturbating inside a vagina."
awesome observation recluse!

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by ubermensch » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:02 am

Superbad, I have to play devils advocate here. I cook better than any cunt I've ever come across. I know what I'm doing and the food tastes good. Every woman (outside of a restaurant) who's cooked me a meal, except for Grandparents and my own mother, has served up slop that is semi-edible at best, a public health risk at worst. This may be going off in a bit of a tangent, but feminism has created a new breed of men who are absolutely competent in every facet of life - the only thing I cannot do without a woman's help (besides slapping it myself) is sex. And as such, this is pretty much what women have reduced themselves to in the modern world - cum dumpsters.
"I don't want a wife and I don't want kids. I'm 36 and if I met a woman of my own age and married her, I'd also be marrying her former life, her past." - Henry Rollins, 1998.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by sysop » Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:32 pm

superbad wrote:"change your habits, young man." "forget your hobbies, young man." "chase pussy, young man." dance. dance. you marionette, young man. turn into a wind up toy, young man. turn into the world's little bitch. OXI
I really, really like this! ::yay::
I don't want to stray into any conspiracy theories but this is pure truth (conspiracy or not).

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:35 am

thank you sysop.

ubermensch, good points. the Latina learned to cook, for me. i could learn. the point isn't the food, it's her falling in line. control is key, not sex. women follow this. wives shop, husbands work. dates order food, guys pay. women show up, PUA alter their lives. who is in control. sex can be used to control. women do this too. PUA are hunter gatherers, they hunt sex. farming is a step up: sex is just one of the crops you harvest from a chick.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by arcangel911 » Sat Apr 28, 2012 2:23 am

ubermensch wrote:Superbad, I have to play devils advocate here. I cook better than any cunt I've ever come across. I know what I'm doing and the food tastes good. Every woman (outside of a restaurant) who's cooked me a meal, except for Grandparents and my own mother, has served up slop that is semi-edible at best, a public health risk at worst. This may be going off in a bit of a tangent, but feminism has created a new breed of men who are absolutely competent in every facet of life - the only thing I cannot do without a woman's help (besides slapping it myself) is sex. And as such, this is pretty much what women have reduced themselves to in the modern world - cum dumpsters.
ubermensch- I have to agree 100% !!!!!!! Enough said. Another reason why this topic will go into the "best of" category.

superbad- once again, a great thread and topic! But as ubermensch posted above, I am a way better cook than most of the women i have dated. This post goes to show how women and feminism have taught us the reverse course of feminism- which is basically: "Why do we need a woman?" And thank you for explaining what ETM meant.... I thought it meant Enter the Matrix.... my bad
"Don't forget your towel"- Douglas Addams
"Use power to curb power"- Chinese Proverb

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

arcangel911, thanks for your input.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by ubermensch » Sun Apr 29, 2012 4:09 am

superbad wrote:thank you sysop.

ubermensch, good points. the Latina learned to cook, for me. i could learn. the point isn't the food, it's her falling in line. control is key, not sex. women follow this. wives shop, husbands work. dates order food, guys pay. women show up, PUA alter their lives. who is in control. sex can be used to control. women do this too. PUA are hunter gatherers, they hunt sex. farming is a step up: sex is just one of the crops you harvest from a chick.
OK, I missed the inferred meaning. The problem is, at least where I live, there is no possibility of women falling in line and taking on the traditional role - that shit is over - they all know they can unleash state sanctioned violence - an arsenal taking the form of physical, psychological or financial - against any man who attempts to have the upper hand in a co-habitating relation$hit.

That's why I cook my own dinner and go out later for "dessert" if needs be. It's a damn-sight cheaper and safer to eat "sweet" things elsewhere than your domicile. The cost of prostitution is purely relative. It is far, far cheaper than putting your entire fucking house at risk for temporary access to a depreciating pussy.
"I don't want a wife and I don't want kids. I'm 36 and if I met a woman of my own age and married her, I'd also be marrying her former life, her past." - Henry Rollins, 1998.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Sun Apr 29, 2012 7:39 am

ubermensch, if i lived in Australia, i'd do the same. prostitution is legal. Thailand is so close.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by ubermensch » Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:27 am

superbad wrote:ubermensch, if i lived in Australia, i'd do the same. prostitution is legal. Thailand is so close.
Hehe. I'm in Thailand right now. But I have no desire to hire a Thai prostitute. Too risky. I'll stick to porn for the remainder of the trip, methinks.
"I don't want a wife and I don't want kids. I'm 36 and if I met a woman of my own age and married her, I'd also be marrying her former life, her past." - Henry Rollins, 1998.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:13 am

ubermensch, you've taught me something. because if i were there, i'd probably think the same: too risky. some want to go to Asia for a "good" marriage 1.0 wife. i've had chances at 1.0... i have ZERO interest in that.

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by Newman » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:18 am

Great post, superbad. You speak with a professorial-like insight on all things bachelordom (is there such a word).

I must ask, what does "PUA" mean? I've seen it mentioned here and there before. What does it stand for?

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Re: Superbad Dating Theory

Post by superbad » Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:16 am

thank you Newman. what's cool is, by putting things into words for others, i'm actually learning a lot. PUA is a pick up artist. many young males pick up random chicks to screw and then dump. for me, that is too risky.

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